Worry Not

I remember a time when I didn't know God. 
I guess guilt, poor decisions and failures had me in doubt and in fear.
I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't quiet.  I laid hours in bed hoping to find sleep only to
see time change on the clock by the minutes.  All of the troubles in life seemed to that torment my nocturnal
realities.

Now I was raised as a Catholic so I knew who Jesus was, but those that considered Him important didn't impress me.  The acted differently, kinda overly careful of life.  Some told me that the things I did would find me in hell.  I didn't get along with many religious folks.  Life goes on and hope dwindles when your focus matures.  Situations of religious powerhouses confirmed my thinking that they were hypocrites.

As I tried to find my way in life the guilt, poor decisions and failures left me numb.  The harder I worked for something, the less respect I got.  People seemed to hate my abilities to exceed when they couldn't progress.
I wondered if there was something wrong with me, or if the world was wrong!

Rough working and reckless living took a toll on my body.  The result was being crippled up beyond medical fixing.  Surgery helped my back, but the damage was done.  Unable to work I found myself in desperation I'd never wish on anyone.  This is when worries became paralyzing.  The partying life I lived became an existence of self medicating that others might have overdosed for doing.  The worry was insane.

Folks talked to me about seeking help, but I had had my share of therapy counseling.  I thought about ending my life, but I feared that such an act would be the fulfillment of wishes to those that knew me.
It wasn't until I left everything  for one hope.  That hope was my writing, and it found its way to a woman that was a girl in my high school that I never knew.  She liked the work, and offered to edit it.

We talked about folks she knew that were looking for stories that might be made into movies.  There is where I found myself immersed.  In three years I wrote over a dozen books.  I picked up work where I could and as I could.  We had a dream and we were digging into it

There is an apologist for Christ on TV that has a show which airs on Sunday mornings.  When she tuned in to listen as background noise, I argued that I had no patience for such types of noise.  She kept tuning in
and eventually I heard him speak to my curiosity.  We went to his church and I never heard God talk as this man spoke.  I was hooked.

Studying scripture became very important to me.  Even my writing took on a willingness to include God's
ways.  The Spirit of God began His long convicting process upon me so as to change from who I was to what He is still making me.

My rage, fears and worries I give to God!  I pay attention to scriptures as Jesus taught such as not to worry.
Years it has been since I have developed this relationship with God through Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Yesterday my wife missed a signature delivery from Fed Ex.  She'd been expecting a package that contained childhood memories from a life she left a long time ago.  Her mother needed to receive 24/7 help due to her health.  Property was sold to pay for the care.  She came to know this on a facebook post from a niece she had reconnected with only a few years ago.

When I came home from work she seemed frustrated so I asked her what she was feeling.  After some
ambiguous reasons she said she believed there would be in the delivery of childhood items some type of nasty note.  Her childhood was very troubling and she was deeply scarred from it.  I tried to point out she may just be worrying about nothing, but she was convinced that the delivery would include some type of nastiness

Well the package came and there was no nastiness in it.

Just as we all have done at sometime or another,
we convince ourselves that certain probability is important enough to rob us of our peace. 
Then we find out our certain probability was a creation of our troubled thinking and wasn't even probable.

We have to press into the inspired words of God!  1Timothy 1:7. 
This is after Jesus told us not to worry.
Worry is taking your thoughts off the Living God and His love towards you.
It may help you to think of it as a type of Idolatry!

Change in yourself comes from developing an obedience towards God's wisdom.
The change takes time and persistent curiosity of knowing how God thinks and sees things
eventually leads you to fully accepting His advice and wisdom.

Turn off the world noise for a while and meditate on scripture.
What the world cannot offer you for truth, God surely can, but you need to build your relationship with Him.
Only then will the need for therapy, self medication, worry and fear, fall away from you as though it was in the rear view mirror while you are driving into His love, and away from your past!

Worry Not!

Peace and Blessings